I'm beginning to feel like my information search is coming to an end and that I'll be able to make a decision and be comfortable about it in a couple of days. I met with my first oncologist on Thursday and with Don's oncologist at Karmanos/Detroit on Friday. They each have different perspectives about my treatment and timing. My Friday doctor made a very strong case for the need to 'do whatever possible' to eliminate the chance of the cancer recurring. He works with studies. Everything about cancer is a statistic--not much is about me as an individual--my health, my lifestye, my diet, etc.
I've read that selecting the treatment is the most agonizing part of this entire process. My survival hinges on making the right choices--and none of the doctors even know for sure what that would be. Once I make my decision, I plan to live more peacefully with ambiguity and uncertainty--as everyone healthy or sick must do. I'm putting myself in the 'healthy' category; I feel fine, have lots of energy and believe that the cancer was removed from my body.
I met with a social worker at my oncologist's office who was a huge help emotionally as well as providing complimentary medical resources to help reduce chemotherapy side effects--like acupuncture, massage, yoga. nutrition and visualization (which I'm particularly interested). I happened upon the Oncology Nurse Navigator at Troy Beaumont, another wonderfully, supportive woman.
What's amazing is how so many of the people who have been very helpful to me have come into my life just when I needed them. When I was feeling lost, drowning and frightened; someone appeared to take my hand and lead me to shore.
I'm in the process of getting 'things' ready...similar to the feeling I had before each of my babies were born. I'm almost there, ready to begin my chemotherapy. It's the Contingency Planner in me...figure out what can go wrong, eliminate the chances of it happening and be prepared if it does. It's what I was trained to do and really a part of me since I was a young child.
Now, the last step for me is to get my head ready. I'm almost always the person who sees the glass half full. I also believe that what I put my attention on is what I'm drawn to; I'll put all the side effects aside and see the chemotherapy searching through my body for any stray cancer cells and eliminating them efficiently and completely. (I'm working on a couple visualizations involving water.) I'll picture myself during this time as healthy and content.
Nothing has to happen immediately, this minute or right now. It's okay to pause for a moment, take a deep breath, then go quietly inside and ask LIFE to lead me to my best outcome. The only thing I have to do is to get out of my own way.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
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13 comments:
Fantastic Blog Josetta! Thanks Dear Friend for this! What an expedient way to share info. It is easy to understand that with family and friends all wanting news you would feel like a recorder after a bit. You have been on my list of friends to ‘check on’ so your email was perfect timing. Thanks! As for my activities: the holidays were good, took a trip to see family in Ohio early in Dec – to miss the bad weather and the traffic. Well, the bad weather came early – yet, an advantage to being retired - I just stayed a bit longer. Another reason to go when I did was to be in Toledo for a party that Milli Mills gives each year. (Also a 5W, do you know her name? She is the reason I am a member) Milli gives a FOM (friends of Milli) Party each Christmas season. This gave me a chance to visit with a dozen other friends all at once. Convenient. Once back in TN, things went well over the holidays here. Your family holiday gathering sounds so delightful! The games and competition must have sparked many laughs and giggles. I am up to my neck in the local political reorganization that takes place every other year, at this time. It is to elect new, or reelect old officers. There are many factors to arrange before April. It is only work and not exciting unless there is a battle. Too soon to know if that will happen. Always likely, though. ha-ha! Your wellbeing will stay on my prayers …hugs until next time…Shalom Dixie.
Hello, Josetta,
Thanks for including me in your distribution. Cathy has kept me updated and I've stepped up the prayers. I admire your courage and positive attitude. May knowing that others care lend a measure of comfort. Good luck! -- Judi Moroni
You are in our thoughts, dear Josetta. Me and Natasha talk a lot remembering you. Natasha is a grown up girl already. She's 25, and got married 2 years ago. We live all together. Sergey is 31. He and his girlfriend for 8 years already are expecting a child late February. I returned to Russia in December 2009 and started to work with kids (teaching). It's cold in St. Petersburg now, but we enjoy it, me especially: I almost forgot what Russian winters may be. Natasha stands by me right now and sends you love and best wishes. I love you too! Stay strong!
So happy to reconnect with you, sorry it is because of your need for chemotherapy. You will be doing a great service to all woman, sharing your adventure. Know you will be in my thoughts and prays every day. Several of my friends have gone through this and with Beaumont Hospital DRS and are doing great.
Hello and good wishes to Don.
Chris Bartlett
Joey,
This is a great way to share your journey.
You know my prayers are with you. I am impressed with the courage and peace with which you are facing this time.
I have used visualization in the tough times of my life. Jesus is always there with me in my visualization or meditations. He is so good and so faithful.
As to news from this end - the 'not so good' news is Michelle (Nik's mother) has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know any details at this time.
Everyone else is well and doing fine. Joey is so tall. He reaches my mouth at this time. Very soon he will pass me - the bottom rung on the adult ladder. The kids always seemed so delighted to be taller than I am.
Paul is back to work. I spent time with Teri and Tom last fall - about 3 weeks with each one. I so enjoy sharing a bit of their lives and their part of the US. I feel so very blessed because the kids are all so good to me.
Nik is still in Heidelberg. The news is that he will be deployed to Afghanistan in April (or a couple months later - the army never seems to know exactly what they are doing.) Please keep him in your prayers. I am praying that he is never deployed.
Much love,
Jeanne
Josetta: Thisis definitely the way to go. You can reach so many of us at one time even though you have been great at replying to e-mails :-).
Couple of questions to keep your mind on good things. The Christmas Room Rally sounds like a really neat idea. Can you share some examples of the questions or puzzles you would ask?
The 2nd question is back to your cancer. You are the first person I know that has had the good fortune to be diagnosed with Stage 1. Can I ask, how was it detected? Through annual mam, self-exam or just plain luck? It will really help some people who don't take monthly exams and mams as necessary.
Good luck and I will definitely check the blog.
My prayers are with you for a great 2011.
Josetta:
Forget my last question above. I forgot to check "How it Began". :-)
Joey,
Please know that Mom and I and the family are all praying for you! You are a strong person. We are all doing well. Mike and I are going to be grandparents again in May. Patrick is getting married in December. Busy times as always. If some day you are up for visitors, I will could bring Mom out to see you. Remember to take life at God's speed. We love you and our prayers are with you always.
JOSETTA..YOU SOUND UPBEAT AND READY TO FIGHT.
MARY JO WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER OVER
20 YEARS AGO. WAS TREATED WITH CHEMO AND WAS
IN REMISSION UNTIL 2008, WHEN THE CANCER RETURNED
AND METASISISED INTO THE BONE. SHE HAS BEEN ON
CHEMO AND ZOMETA FOR 2 YEARS AND IS STILL HOLDING
ON. THE BOTTOM LINE IS EVERY DAY MORE PROGRESS IS
BEING MADE TO FIGHT THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE.
YOUR ATTITUDE IS GREAT. IF YOU WOULD LIKE ANY
INFO OR HELP WE HAVE BEEN THERE AND CAN OFER
OUR EXPERIENCES WITH YOU.
BEST WISHES,
TONY AND MARY JO
Dear Aunt Joey:
Well - I am going to try this again. I wrote a bit earlier today, but for some reason it did not post.
I am glad to see that you got the Oncotype DX test, I was hoping to see you over the holiday and was going to recommend that you get this to predict just what your oncologists noted, this is a somewhat standard test for breast cancer now, depending on the pathology of the tumor (more that just the ER status). Do you mind sharing the name of your oncologist (occupational hazard - I know many of the oncologists, those I don't know I can research). I did ask a friend of mine about your surgeon and found out she has a good reputation.
With regards to the low white cell blood counts, depending on your chemotherapy, you should consider getting Neulasta - it is one SubQ injection the day after your chemotherapy that helps to prevent febrile neutropenia (low WBC).
Teri
Hi Josetta,
I love your Blog page and it is such a great source for communication that you have established to keep in touch and share. Your daughter did a great job designing it and I love the concept. As usual, you have the fantastic spirit to embark on a new adventure. Not one that you hoped for, however you have the very best of attitudes, keep looking out the window and find the best the day has to offer. Keep your eye on the positive, and know that after the storm passes, first you see the rainbows, and then the birds chirp, and you are on your way to better days! Best of luck with your decisions this week, I know that they are difficult ones to make. Three of my female friends are on the same path as you right now. You looked fabulous when I saw you on Sunday at the Cruising Cuisine (AAUW). You remain in my thoughts and prayers and best of luck on your newest adventure. Love Mary Anne
Hi Josetta,
For me, the worst part was definitely the time between diagnosis and when treament started. It was like things were just moving in slow motion and nobody understood the urgency I felt to DO something.
Once treatments begin, things shift to focus on the day to day miscellanea of any long term medical problem. The journey becomes about the events within it, so it's almost a relief, except for those pesky little emotional crises that will pop up along the way when you're tired, cranky, or just don't feel 100%.
The best advice I can give you from my experience is to let the people who love you help, and tell them what you need, even if that's just to leave you alone. We're all so used to being strong individuals focused on the world around us that it's hard to shift the focus to our own health. If there's ever a time to be selfish, this is it.
Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.
Chris Ryan (Cathy's friend).
Hi Joey, Emerald Wolf here. I'm following you using my blog vyse.blogspot.com
Sending you tons of SFE.
Jean
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