Early May Update

I'm sorry for the delay in updating my Blog. Much has transpired since my last entry. I've been busy doing lots of studying and learning and still going to doctor appointments. I've also had lots of feelings that I've been working through--disappointment, anger, abandonment, frustration and more.

I was concerned about a lump that I discovered in February. It was above my right breast (the side of my mastectomy). It was finally 'cleared' this week after seeing three doctors.

It’s been six weeks since my last treatment. Chemo side affects are like the Energizer Bunny--they just keep going and going... I'd hoped by now that the side effects from the chemo would be diminishing--some have increased. I knew that this was a common happening, but hoped that it wouldn't be true for me. I expect that I'll be seeing a change of direction soon.

I'm mostly able to do whatever I desire and am grateful for that ability. The side effects are discomforts and nuisances that take extra patience. I'm wanting to get back to my 'old' self and have a healthy body again.

HAIR: Not sure why, but these past couple of weeks I’ve lost a considerable amount of hair from my head even though I haven’t had a treatment for quite awhile. I thought that new hair would be starting to grow about now. I continue to believe: “There’s no such thing as a bad hair day as long as I have hair.”

This past couple of weeks I’ve also lost most of my eyelashes and most of my eyebrows. I’ve learned why we have eyelashes -- to prevent soap from getting into our eyes when washing our face. It took a few days for me to realize this as I wondered why all of a sudden I was regularly getting soap in my eyes.

I’m pretty much without body hair. Hey, there are advantages; no need to shave my legs or underarms for months. It’s interesting that there are a few stray hairs on my arms and legs--and I mean few -- 4 or 5. I’m getting used to seeing my reflection in the mirror and now recognizing it as me. It’s quite a change from this past Christmas.

Skin and hair follicles are fast-growing cells, so they were damaged along with cancer cells. As a result, think dry, dry and dryer. Showering doesn't take much time, but lubricating my body, face and hair takes twice as long. Yes, I use hand lotion on my hair (front and sides) because it's so dry (a tip from my hairdresser).

MY HEAD: Since my treatments ended six weeks ago, I've had to do a lot of 'head work'. At my first visit with my oncologist after chemo ended, I was expecting to learn about how I could help my body to 'repair' itself to pre-chemo status. There was no advice. I was told that 'in time' I'd get 'better'. I was hoping that my doctor would work with me to monitor my body and guide me with advice. No more blood work was ordered; it was assumed that my liver enzymes, white count and hemoglobin had all returned to normal levels. However, if I was having another chemo treatment the blood work would have been done to 'make sure' that everything was normal...

I think that thousands of people end chemotherapy treatments every day. I would expect that there would be a booklet, a handout, some information on how to help our compromised bodies return to a state of optimal health as well as how to monitor our bodies to know if something was going askew.

My doctor's protocol is typical of medical doctors. She's a caring, knowledgeable individual following the Standards of Practice of medicine. What I've come to realize is that medical doctors focus on treating us when we're ill, in pain or blood work isn't within a normal range. Specific advice for optimal health is not their focus. Yes, we're told: Eat a healthy diet, exercise, maintain a healthy body fat and weight, etc.

My oncologist's interest and focus was for me to begin taking Arimidex, an aromatase inhibitor. She highly recommends that I take it for five years. It works by decreasing the amount of estrogen the body makes. This can slow or stop the growth of breast cancer that is estrogen positive receptive (mine) that needs estrogen to grow. Common side effects are osteoporosis and reduction of HDL (good cholesterol). Our bones need estrogen for bone strength and our liver needs estrogen to produce HDL. A good website to learn more about estrogen and your body is:
http://www.wcn.org/articles/treatment/hormone_therapy/estrogen_receptors/

I was very disappointed. When I got into my car, I cried. I realized after a few days, I was angry. I felt 'abandoned' by the medical profession. I was seeking wellness, greater understanding and healthful living.
When I pursued the topic, my doctor reminded me of the Swan for Life Foundation and their services--acupuncture, a dietitian, a counselor, etc. These are all 'outside' of the services medical professionals provide; they're not covered by insurance.

So for these past several weeks I've been staying present with my feelings and emotions as they arose and faded, no matter how uncomfortable it was for me. I did my best not to fight them or try to figure them out (analyzing or judging), letting them come and go in their own time. Letting go of resistance has helped me to move on...and open up. I've known: What I resist, persists.  When I feel my emotions and give them a voice, I can move on. When I whine, I get stuck. I want to move on...no more whining!

Only a small part of my cancer experience is about medicine. Most of it is about feelings and faith, losing and finding my identity and discovering strength and flexibility I never knew I had.

I have lots more I want to share with all of you and I will in future blogs. These past weeks I've mostly been reading and learning more about my body and how it functions and evaluating studies and information to come to a decision of what path I want to pursue for healing of my body.

Many of you have commented about my 'positive attitude' and how that is of great value to my healing. I agree. I've come to the conclusion that no matter what decision I make--as long as I believe it is the right one for me--it will be successful. So, again, I'm back to working on my head to embrace fully the decisions that I make.

THANKS: Again, I thank all of you for your prayers, good wishes, uplifting words, encouragement and healing energy. Your thoughtfulness and concern has been overwhelming. I have been touched beyond measure. I'm blessed by your graces.

I'm continuing to work at answering your emails.          
love and hugs,  Joey/Josetta